Because apparently dehydration becomes a five-alarm fucking emergency exactly 90 seconds after leaving the house.

This bright red Allstar Bus water bottle keeps your tiny lunatic hydrated while they run, jump, tumble, climb, and somehow still have enough energy left at bedtime to act like they just snorted Pixy Stix off the coffee table.

Perfect for school, sports, road trips, Allstar Bus days, and every other outing where you remembered snacks, sunscreen, wipes, extra clothes, Band-Aids, and seventeen completely unnecessary toys, but forgot to bring a goddamn drink for yourself.

Your child will take three sips.

Then hand it to you.

Because apparently your official parenting job title is “Pack Mule With Snacks.”